Wednesday, August 20, 2008

conflicts and power

Today, after a brilliant day at work I followed my weekly plan and went to the gym.

Nothing special there, did my normal routine till a point when I needed one of the steel rods. Most of the smaller ones were taken so I just took one from a random machine. After accommodating it to my own strength (which isn't much) I started doing the exercise. I barely got to finish when one door big, muscle pack guy starting yelling to put it back immediately cause he was working on that machine from were I picked it. I tried to reason him in a lower voice that he didn't leave any distinctive mark as a towel or even a bottle of water (maybe he peed on it and I didn't smell it...) he started getting even more verbally abusive : "Ce pula mea, ia pune-o inapoi ca io faceam acolo!"(bluntly translated "What the fuck, put that back cause I was working on that one!").

Most of the guys was watching and at the end, threatened by violence I decided that was the best just to put it back but still trying to reason the fact that would be most sensitive and advice to mark his working bench. How could I guess that he was working on it especially that he was chatting at the time when I picked it outside with his other bulky mates (for whom he was probably performing and proving his obvious great manhood).

I kinda gave up in working in the force room and I went to run feeling guilty that I wasn't more firm on my position and imagining just giving him a piece of my mind on my own way, me talking with the owner of the gym (which is the godson of my mother after all!!!) to kick the guy out or just blowing up his car. Even dreams and ambitious of becoming a respected nouveau rich SOMEBODY in my own neighborhood actually crossed my mind till I realized how silly I was. Poor motivation (which actually worked for some people) to just become somebody just to get some respect.

Upon realizing such a simple fact and trying to place myself a bit over the situation I was trying to replay the event in my head and analyzing a nice way out but on my kind of peaceful field. I realized then that actually the guy never looked in my eyes now even for one second.

On my way out, Ive saw him in front of the bar and I went and shake hands with him " ... to not leave the gym with any miss-feelings about the situation cause we are all here for the same common purpose, healthy mind and body". Well, the guy shacked automatically my hand (not making eye contact) walking half away but somehow restlessly walking around me repeating that I should always ask before using any machine (which is simply dumb!). I couldn't contain my self that "we both should be a bit more careful in the future cause we never know to whom we might cause some inconvenience".

The sad thing is that even after a yoga session I couldn't really take the incident out of my mind and that the fact that such an incident might really demotivate me going to the gym. Which would be a loss for me. But also this feeling, this need actually of feeling powerful that we all share is just a mere illusion, a sad mask of our insecurities. By realizing that I can make peace with myself over this incident thinking that I ushered the courage (cause at the end I know that I am a chicken in such situations) to close the matter with a hand shake and a acted denial of the power illusion.

Still would like to set his car on fire.

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